Weird Sex Toys Of The Week 13 Etsy Edition

Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week #13 : Etsy Edition!

For those not in the know, is pretty much the eBay of handmade stuff. All sorts of interesting things are listed there, the weirdest of which are cataloged and mocked diligently by sites like Regretsy. While browsing one day, I came across a “mature” listing, and it suddenly dawned on me – maybe Etsy had SMUT! And oh, readers, it did not dissapoint. Along with the pleasant discovery of Whipspider Rubberworks on there, I found a whole host of decidedly pervy crafters hawking their wares.

And so, I present:

1.) The “Cock Glock” – a WAP sculpture that’s alternatively titled “I’m the NRA”. The Cock Glock is a centaurian combo of a raging hard on and a gun. This ebony wood carving that can be dubiously yours for the mere price of $600 – it doesn’t look like this is usable, but hey – free shipping!

2.) Handjob Penis Pincushion – Arguably my favorite entry this week, this $22 beauty looks like the missing link between Sesame Street and slash fiction and I LOVE IT. I mean, look at it! It’s adorable! She even makes one that’s filled with catnip, and another that can be embroidered with an Ex’s name (or a current, if you’re into needleplay and CBT!)

3.) Roast Beef Soap Dildo – The name pretty much says it all. $8.69.  I really want to know where the hell he gets roast beef scented oil. Or maybe I don’t.

4.) Silk Sanitary Towel – I have NO idea. Honestly. It’s a one-time-use silk $39 maxipad that’s either filled with fake fur (?) or real fur (…), and comes with not only an assurance that it will “absorb four hours of HEAVY bleeding”, but also a helpful suggestion that you enclose it in some sort of glass cube afterwards as an art installation. My casual interest in visiting Amsterdam has diminished entirely.

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