This is a short and sweet little video run-down of my first experiment with the boobie cake pan from Pipedreams (hey, it isn’t insertable, there’s only so much I can do!)

It’s cute, has steampunky costumery possibilities with a rivet gun and some wire, and is slated at some point in the near future to construct a giant boob jello shot. It’s also big -- I’m an F and I could totally pull a brunhilda with this thing if it were a little deeper.

Enjoy. I make banana bread in the boobs, which led to a delightful set of weird twitterings, and prompted me to use the phrase “the nipples won’t release”.

Personally, I prefer my chocolate to come in viking hat form, jauntily perched on my partner’s wang. I think, given a chance, you would too.

The awesome folks at www.ChocolatePartyHats.com , whose wares I have previously (and happily!) reviewed here, have offered up a virtual choco-penis-chapeau smorgasbord to my terribly lucky readers. Made of decadent callebaut chocolate, a dark imported Belgian variety, these are not melted and molded hershey confections – these are more like truffle oil, or fine champagne when placed beside those valentines candies. You will not be sorry, cause god knows I was not. This is the best chocolate I’ve ever had in my life, in a life that has contained substantial amounts of said chocolate.

I have three viking hat styles and two cowboy hat styles generously offered to my readers for their gourmet gropes and nibbling pleasures, I’m happy to say. The only caveat is that the winner must be in the US – I apologize to my delightful Canadian readers, but the cost of shipping to ya’ll is higher than the cost of the product, sadly.

If you’d like to enter, please leave a comment below with the style you’re interested in. Five winners will be randomly drawn on TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 9th.

And the winners, chosen via random.org, are 6,4,11,1, and 5 – Congrats to Lilly, Mia, Chuck, Kaijah and Angel! Please email your mailing information along with your style choice (in case I forget!) to me at ThatToyChick@gmail.com so I can get your chocolate nomminess on the way to you. Everyone else, thank you for playing - If you’d like a chocolate party hat now, they’ve set up a coupon code for 25% off for you guys! Just enter “ThatToyChick” at checkout to receive your discount.

Let it be noted for the record I have a terrible marketing crush on jimmyjane -- one need only glance at their site and their offerings a moment to understand why. Beautiful pictures, copy you can pluck and savor like little literary bon bons -- these people have their proverbial shit together and I admire that. I was, however, probably the only person on earth that didn’t “get” the little chroma and had no real desire for it when it debuted and people were in an Eleven-like craze over it, which is why I gravitated towards their later-emerging outre -- candles and massage.

When I jotted off a note to Jimmyjane asking if they offered products to review, I was surprised and delighted to receive an email back -- yes, they did -- and they wanted me to field test the dynamic duo of an Afterglow candle and the Contour Q massage stones. I count myself doubly lucky here, because the Milk Chocolate was their newest scent and allowed me to experiment with a fragrance I hadn’t before, and there are -- as I found out -- TWO little stones in the Contour Q set…and isn’t that just grand?

Afterglow Candle -- Milk Chocolate Fragrance

(Available at Jimmyjane.com for $28)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CkKJNE7na4

On eagerly opening the Afterglow box (narrowly restraining myself from ripping it open, for purposes of filming later) I peeled back the lid and sniffed tenatively. Now, all the chocolate products I’d experienced prior smelled like stuffing a particularly chemical-laden spoonful of hershey’s syrup up a nostril, with a not-so-subtle after effect of something decidedly unchocolate, almost acidic. Not so with this one -- Jimmyjane’s Milk Chocolate immediately brought to mind the tin of Ghiardelli “Drinking Cocoa” I keep stashed in the back of the cupboard for a couple of perilous days every month. It’s the smell of  a deep, rich bittersweet cocoa that is more at home in tea salons than coffeehouses. The ingredients also featured a few different incarnations of vanilla extract that I’m familiar with, so that may have had a hand in the complexity. It is not, as is important with every scented product that I permanently add to the collection, cloying, syrupy, or “fake” -- I used this with my notoriously scent-averse partner for an hour with not a hint of a sniffle.

We lighted the candle with the enclosed box of matches and waited for about fifteen minutes, tugging off our shirts and snuggling into bed. When a little bit of a pool had formed (I should mention here that Jimmyjane says to wait a half hour, but I’m an impatient wretch) I took up the cute little body brush and gingerly dipped it in the edge of the pool -- managing to set a strand sizzling before I belatedly realized the instructions said to blow out the candle first. (So, if you get one, listen to the book…apparently it knows what it’s talking about.) As I painted it on my partner, he relaxed and agreed it was rather awesome. A little goes a very long way…I only dipped the very, very edge of the brush in and it was enough for his entire back.

The massage “oil” of the melted soy wax stayed liquid on his skin, acting just like massage oil out of a bottle. I was able to glide it around over a large area and my hands didn’t “skip” or stop sliding because the soy oil dried up -- in fact, it stayed slick the entire massage of 20+ minutes. It smelled exactly like it had as a solid candle, and was the perfect level of “presence” on our skin, giving the whole room a very light scent of chocolate that lulled me to sleep an hour or so later. On the receiving end, the brush felt like fingertips -- so much so that I asked him to use the brush and turned around to find out that he already was! One caveat -- the brush is hard to clean…the book says to use shampoo (which I did) but it was still stiff and chocolatey scented when I came back for it later.

Contour Q Massage Stones

(Available at Jimmyjane.com for $25)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1pJQVv4ncU

I had the forethought to start up my Keurig before getting down to business, drawing off a teacup worth of very hot water to mix with room temperature water I had in a bowl. I wrapped the contour Q stones in a washcloth and gradually submerged them, giving them a little buffer between their surface and the semi-hot water. (Like glass, porcelain/ceramic toys shouldn’t be exposed to rapid temperature changes for safety reasons) After I had “basted” my guy with the chocolatey goodness of Afterglow wax, I unfolded the washcloth and plucked out the ribbed massage stone, cupping it in the hollow of my hand. When I first attempted to use it, I tried to put pressure on the stone and roll it, like a ball of clay being rolled into a snake. When oil is present though, it seems like the surface of the skin is a little too slippery to use this technique, at least in my experience. However, cupping the hand above either stone and moving the whole hand seems to work wonders.  This provides a “hollow” that guides the stone right where you want it to go, and allows it to roll in the direction you’re pushing. You don’t need to push down very hard with these, as the texture seems to do most of the work for you -- it let me give my partner a deeper massage without feeling worn out.

When I sat cross-legged along his side (he was on his stomach), I rolled one stone in each hand from side to side on his back. Eventually, I figured out if I pushed out farther than the width of his back and let the stones roll back under my palms, I could actually massage my “computer wrists” and his back at the same time! Needless to say, this scored pretty high in my book for awesome. The rounded nubs on either side were great for getting out the kinks in his shoulders, as the round mid-body was comfy to grip to do so. The stones hold heat very well, and the heat combined with the textures added a whole new dimension to something we do very frequently. I know they might not look very substantial, but I promise you’ll be surprised. They can also be combined with other massage stones in Jimmyjane’s line (like so -- pictured inside a Contour M massage stone) for extra fun.

I present: CockBib, via CockBib.com , The Lickie Dickie, via LickieDickie.com, and Labia Dye, via MyNewPinkButton.com

…enjoy?

-TTC

***

Hello, my dear readers. I know it’s been a good long while since I’ve related a tale of sticking something in me or on me, so I was well overdue for a review or two.

Spareparts Harnesses are a company I’ve had the pleasure of knowing and dealing with for a few years. They are one of those special toy companies whispered about from harness users to harness users, usually prefaced with “Ohmigod you have GOT to try…”

Their “swimsuit material” harnesses can be used in the shower/bath/pool/hot tub, and are designed – get this – with the WEARER in mind, not the (90-pounds-soaking-wet / has never seen another vagina or a guy to be pegged in her LIFE) model on the front of the box. They are comfortable, intuitive, and just…well, they’re just awesome. Can you tell I like these things? The first time I tried a harness on, it was a “leather” one from one of the “big guys” of toy manufacturing. There were so many straps, buckles, cinches, and scary-looking hardware dangling from it, that by the time I squished my svelte size 20 frame into it, I’m fairly sure a casual passerby would think I had let my underwear and a parachute rig have hasty unprotected sex.

To duplicate the experience, I slipped the Joque on *without* reading the instructions at all. It honestly took all of thirty seconds, and my inner dialogue went something like, “Oh! Okay, that goes here…wow, will you look at that? Well that was easy. Velcro! I love…ooh, the leg straps are stretchy too. Wow, this is actually..it feels just like I’m only wearing underwear. I wonder if I could fit…”

And yes, folks. I did, in fact, fit the Ebon Stallion in this thing. 5.25″ in circumference and giant balls…not to mention it’s CERAMIC. I walked around the house with this obscenely large ceramic penis jutting out in front of me like a flagpole, and damned if it didn’t stay exactly where I put it. There was no…er…drooping, shall we say? The 90 degree angle held up through several renditions of the risky business dance through my living room.  The reason behind this is a thick O ring made of many, many layers of the same material of the harness that stretches and conforms to whatever you’re equipping the harness with.

Even despite my best harness-wearing wiggle, my guy was immune to my pegging charms (he wanted to fix computers instead of getting buttsecks…you believe that?) and so I took revenge on his backup girlfriend, the Fleshlight. I swapped out the big boy for my trusty goodfella, slipping on a condom -before- sliding it through the O ring (which actually works very well to keep the condom in place, a good consideration for those who are sharing toys with non-fluid-bonded partners), lubed up, and went to town.

Wow. Okay, I totally see why people rock the strap on now. I mean, I’ve played around with my “other” harness (who will be languishing alone in the drawer now) and I got that “Oh, hey, cool I have a penis” thing…but it was NOTHING like wearing the Jocque. I actually climaxed with nothing going on internally, because the Joque sits the dildo of choice right where it should.  There was no chafing, pinches, or anything to remind me that I was wearing a harness and a silicone dildo to disrupt my daydreams I had managed to spontenously grow a bio wang of my very own.

Why I like the Joque:

Washable: When I do manage to pull my guy away from his computers, pegging will be a cinch because I can just toss the whole harness into the wash when I’m done. That was a really nice feature to me, because my guy and I both enjoy all sorts of sex play, but are very adamant about proper cleanup when all is said and done.

Easy To Put On: I’m a total spaz. If I can get this thing on without reading instructions and without dislocating something – believe me, you can too.

It Lurves Big Girls: I got size “B”, and I’m a size 20 in pantaloons. I do not feel like I’m stretching the wearability limits…and in fact, feel like it would very comfortably fit bigger girls than I with the straps let out.  It adjusts with four plastic buckles on thick (quality) elastic straps around the legs and under the butt and two similarly buckled straps over two folding panels of velcro on the generously thick waist band. A size “A” is also available for smaller wearers.

They Support NYSBC: www.SparePartsHardware.com generously donated a harness to raise funds for SWA during the calendar party raffle. Wouldn’t you like to own toys that you know support the causes YOU believe in?

***

Because they’re kickass, Spareparts not only gave me a Joque to review and a Joque for the NYSBC raffle, they also gave me one for YOU! That’s right, you could have a superhero harness all your own to..you know…dance around the living room with. Or whatever. Ahem.

This lovely chocolate colored Joque is a Size “A”  (edited to add: Size A fits a 20-50″ waist) and ready to rock the world of a winner (and their lucky partner(s)!) I will be drawing a winner a week from now from everyone who leaves me a comment in this post. Yep, that’s it – just leave a comment! Make sure there’s an email or some way to contact you (blog link, twitter name, etc) in the comment or I can’t give you your goodies!

While it isn’t required, tweeting is an awful nice thing to do, don’t ya think? “ Hey! @ThatToyChick is giving away a Joque Spareparts Harness! http://tinyurl.com/yz7rnr5 – Please RT ”

-Luv, TTC

First off, thanks to each and every one of you for reading my blog, tweeting/direct messaging me, google talk-ing, hanging out with, or calling me. Prior to blogging, I became something of a hermit after a few really god-awful jobs and a bad car accident, thinking there really wasn’t much of a plus to hauling myself out of bed in the morning. Dorky as it’ll probably make me sound, twitter kinda put the proverbial spurs to me to get involved with other humans again.

I am a dreamer, always have been – I come up with ideas that I will expand upon at great length for a conversation or two, then set aside because “it’ll never work”. Sometimes, though, I think they’re useful or good enough to pursue and I make myself keep running with them…the Massive Manufacturer List was one of these! A great labor of love, it was a pain to get started but is now one of my favorite things to work on. Not too long ago, I had another idea that managed to hurdle the “it’ll never work” mantra and gain momentum in my brain. This led to a chat with a really cool Etsy momma I met on twitter, which led to several more, which produced a sketch, which produced a prototype, which then gave birth to “Oh my god, I think this is going to work!”

That idea produced the Chilldil, which you’ve likely seen me talking about frequently on twitter. A simple but kinda neat idea (IMHO), it is a special sleeve for sex toys, dildos, and the like that is filled with natural materials that can be microwaved or chilled in the freezer to transfer temperatures to your favorite sex toys. Great for headaches and neckaches when you’re not filling it with faux phalluses, the design is purposely discreet so you can leave it lying about or store it in the freezer full time if you want to.  We’re even making a special washable sleeve that slips into the chilldil so you can use it for refreshing the temperature mid-play.

But – I need help.

We (my maker and I) have got pretty much everything all set up – we know what we’re making, we know how we’re making it, how it’s being packaged, what materials we’re using, who’s doing the advertising (cough), and other sundry concerns involved in bringing a new product to market that usually result in panicked last-minute “omfg what NOW?” reactions. We lack capital, however.  I’ve found really nice packaging (a tube, you can see it in the video), but it needs to be ordered in batches of 100 tubes and I have literally no savings or income for this at the moment.

I, of all people, understand the not-having-money thing. I fully comprehend the financial situation the vast majority of us are in, and I’m not asking you to empty your pockets! What I AM asking you is to spread the word. If you have a few minutes to spare:

• Leave a supportive comment here
• Mention my project on your blog
• Follow @ThatToyChick and @Chilldils on Twitter
  
• RT or Tweet info about Chilldils
  
• (Especially) Leave a comment on YouTube
• (Especially) Leave a comment on the Kickstarter campaign.

The more popular the Chilldil looks, the exponentially greater chance I have at running a “it’ll never work” idea into a “holy shit, it DID work” reality, and beyond.

Thank you a million times over for reading. I am very interested in giving back to the sexblogger community once Chilldils gets off the ground, as they’re pretty much the reason it’s happening in the first place.

-TTC

When I was fortunate enough to win a contest held by the fine folks of Astroglide on twitter, they sent me a happy lil care package with some fun lubes to try out.  Any toychick worth her sexy salt knows that there are almost no sex toys or acts that aren’t improved by lube, so it made getting down to business with the slippery stuff easier than scheduling a timeslot for G-spotting, or cock ring play, etc.

I am almost always trying to de-pants my mate, with the very understandable justification that he looks awesome without pants on.  Astroglide X in hand, I promptly dragged him into the bedroom to manual manual minstrations in the name of science. He once again lost the valiant struggle to retain his pants-wearing preference.

The first thing I noticed was that the lube was body temperature almost immediately. Usually, I dab a little in my palm and swirl it around so I’m not grabbing his junk whilst slathered up with girl-squeak-inducingly cold liquid. But this? It almost came out of the bottle warm. I was also expecting a thick liquid – sort of the consistency of karo syrup – as this had been my previous experience with other silicone lubricants. Not so with Astroglide X! My first impression was how very like oil it was, both in the “thin” feel and spread. It coated lightly with very little assistance, but could be runny if you didn’t get it rubbed in right away. I really felt like I was using massage oil to rub him down, so Astroglide X would be awesome for people who love oil, but have to stay away from naughty bits for condom safety (oil will break down latex, making condoms ineffective).

The lubricant stayed warm throughout the time I used it, though it is to be noted I found myself applying it more frequently than other silicone lubricants. I’m not used to “refreshing” silicone lube while I’m using it, but it really only took a few drops to do so.  I imagine it would be great for couple sex and trying it with toys, more of a slick-and-thrust sort of play, but we decided we preferred our regular water-based for handjob use. It’s not to say the Astroglide X won’t be a nearby accessory – we plan on trying it out for other play in the near future. The guy also reports that it isn’t insanely hard to clean off his naughty bits, like other silicone lubes we’ve tried. (they hold up great to shower sex, but can be a pain in the ass to wash off)

Want to buy Astroglide X? You can purchase it here for $13.99.

Unknown found via Art or Porn

Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #20? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #22? Submit it here before Sunday March 29th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Note: Since there are SO MANY contests this week the Editor’s Pick is all of the contests. Enter and win something!

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Anal Toy GiveAway Deadline: Tuesday March 24th.
• The “Screaming O” Orgasm Contest Deadline: Thursday, March 26th at 11:59PM.
• Win a Regard Indiscret Set! Deadline: March 27th at 11:59pm PST.
• Win a $20 Gift Card to Babeland! Deadline: March 28th 2009.
• $20 Babeland GC or Quickie Kit! Deadline: Tuesday, March 31st
• Blush Contest Deadline: April 1st by midnight EST.
• Pleasurists Contest: LELO Toy Giveaway! Deadline: Friday April 10th at 11:59pm PST.
• CrashPadSeries.com Contest! Deadline: April 22, 2009.
• Do You Have an Erotic Adventure to Share? Deadline: May 31st, 2009.

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

• Sasi by Nadia West
• Venus by Sommer Marsden
• Paris Duckie by Beautiful Dreamer
• Showerbabe by Miss KissThis
• Xtreme Kit by Epiphora
• Nubby G by Beautiful Dreamer
• LELO Mia by Sienna
• Fusion Duality by Evolved by CarrieAnn
• Benjamin Bond by Epiphora
• The O Honey by Ginger Leigh
• Evolved Novelties Citron by Thursday’s Child
• Liv by LELO by Wendy Blackheart

Dildos

• Melon Crank Glass Dildo by Scarlet Lotus
• Ella by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Phallix Glass 24 Karat Gold Double Happiness by Sexorcism
• Crystal Wand by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Belladonna’s Magic Hand by Joe Mirabella

Anal Toys

• Power Probe by The Countess
• LELO Bob by Amber of Scarlet’s Letter

Toys for Cocks

• Fun Factory Love Ring by Beautiful Dreamer

Lube/Massage Oil/Bath Stuff

• Astroglide by Joe Mirabella
• Ginger Pheromone Massage Cream by Domina Doll
• Kama Sutra Sweet Heart Kit by Cinnamon Chambers
• Kama Sutra Sweet Celebrations Box by Catalina Loves

BDSM/Fetish

• Door Jam Cuffs by Thursday’s Child
• Shining star crop and Star Paddle by Essin’ Em
• Lovers Headgear Advanced Mask by Thursday’s Child
• Kinklab Leather Bondage Collar by Ang

Adult Books

• Best Lesbian Erotica 08 by Scarlet Lotus
• The Story of O by Sienna

Adult Movies/Porn

• The New Romantix by Epiphora
• Intimate Temptations by The Porn Librarian
• Dangerous Liaisons by FrzKey
• Tribade Sorority – Campus Life by J.D. Bauchery
• Breakin’ the Rules by The Porn Librarian
• Friends Don’t Let Friends Fuck Alone by Beautiful Dreamer
• Lesbian Life: Real Sex San Francisco by Sinclair Sexsmith
• A Transsexual Love Story by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

Storage

• FYN Big Foot by Marla Singer

Miscellaneous

• Regard Indiscret Set by Scarlet Lotus
• Gold/Black Satin Corset by Sleeping Dreamer
• Ruby Nipple Dangles by The Countess
• Liberator Throe by Carnivalesq
• Erotique Sheer Lace Gloves by Epiphora
• La Femme Harness by Alpine Subdreams
• Regard Indiscret Set by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
• Chocolate Party Hats.Com by That Toy Chick

So there we are in the bedroom, a naked me kneeling on the bed beside an equally naked fiance. In one hand, I’m holding a penis that I have come to regard as pretty damned awesome, and in the other, inexplicably, I’m holding a miniature viking helmet made out of chocolate.

It’s bigger than I expected – the helmet that is. The penis is big as well, but I’m used to that after six years. The penis I am currently grasping takes Magnum XXL condoms but the helmet is a little too big for a snug fit, sitting on his penis at a skewed angle like a kid wearing an oversized hat.

“So you just….eat it? I mean, what if you go into a chocolate frenzy and accidentally bite my dick?” He says, as if I am incapable of restraining myself around chocolate. Deliciously thick Belgian chocolate. Bittersweet and heady as a liqueur. Inches from my lips. I mean, not that I’m transfixed by the amazing confectionery pheromones this thing is swinging recklessly past my nostrils or anything. I’m cool. Ahem.

I nibble off the tip of one of the horns with a giggle, quickly discovering that if I nip off the other I can blow through the horn and send air rushing past the head. It’s like I’m playing a chocolate penis kazoo and pretty soon we’re both laughing hysterically. Pretty soon I get down to business and discover with delight that the space between the horns has become just the tiniest bit melty from his body heat, and now each lick coats my tongue with amazingly good chocolate as well as a little bit of his precum. I didn’t anticipate anything but a little chocolate in bed and a good laugh, but things are changing rapidly as I discover how incredibly fucking sexy melting Belgian chocolate is on top of a hard cock in the mouth.

Chunks predictably break off, and I retrieve them from his thighs and stomach and feed them to him as I take my time cleaning up what’s melted onto him with my tongue. For what started as something ridiculous, this has turned pretty damn hot, and in a hurry too. Things came to a *ahem* head, and I’m happy to say that there was no trace of chocolate or (insert cream pun here) after I was finished.

I have a top hat here that I’m anxious to try out soon, as the shape seems like it would be even more conducive to melting along the top and sides with a little coaxing from my tongue. Overall, I can honestly say I’m impressed! I had mentally relegated this to the thousands of edible “bedroom gags” on the market, but it’s in a league of it’s own and well worth trying out.

The hats are available right now in a viking style and a cowboy hat style for $9.95 each, or in a mix-and-match 5 pack for $39.95.

-TTC