Personally, I prefer my chocolate to come in viking hat form, jauntily perched on my partner’s wang. I think, given a chance, you would too.

The awesome folks at www.ChocolatePartyHats.com , whose wares I have previously (and happily!) reviewed here, have offered up a virtual choco-penis-chapeau smorgasbord to my terribly lucky readers. Made of decadent callebaut chocolate, a dark imported Belgian variety, these are not melted and molded hershey confections – these are more like truffle oil, or fine champagne when placed beside those valentines candies. You will not be sorry, cause god knows I was not. This is the best chocolate I’ve ever had in my life, in a life that has contained substantial amounts of said chocolate.

I have three viking hat styles and two cowboy hat styles generously offered to my readers for their gourmet gropes and nibbling pleasures, I’m happy to say. The only caveat is that the winner must be in the US – I apologize to my delightful Canadian readers, but the cost of shipping to ya’ll is higher than the cost of the product, sadly.

If you’d like to enter, please leave a comment below with the style you’re interested in. Five winners will be randomly drawn on TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 9th.

And the winners, chosen via random.org, are 6,4,11,1, and 5 – Congrats to Lilly, Mia, Chuck, Kaijah and Angel! Please email your mailing information along with your style choice (in case I forget!) to me at ThatToyChick@gmail.com so I can get your chocolate nomminess on the way to you. Everyone else, thank you for playing - If you’d like a chocolate party hat now, they’ve set up a coupon code for 25% off for you guys! Just enter “ThatToyChick” at checkout to receive your discount.

So there we are in the bedroom, a naked me kneeling on the bed beside an equally naked fiance. In one hand, I’m holding a penis that I have come to regard as pretty damned awesome, and in the other, inexplicably, I’m holding a miniature viking helmet made out of chocolate.

It’s bigger than I expected – the helmet that is. The penis is big as well, but I’m used to that after six years. The penis I am currently grasping takes Magnum XXL condoms but the helmet is a little too big for a snug fit, sitting on his penis at a skewed angle like a kid wearing an oversized hat.

“So you just….eat it? I mean, what if you go into a chocolate frenzy and accidentally bite my dick?” He says, as if I am incapable of restraining myself around chocolate. Deliciously thick Belgian chocolate. Bittersweet and heady as a liqueur. Inches from my lips. I mean, not that I’m transfixed by the amazing confectionery pheromones this thing is swinging recklessly past my nostrils or anything. I’m cool. Ahem.

I nibble off the tip of one of the horns with a giggle, quickly discovering that if I nip off the other I can blow through the horn and send air rushing past the head. It’s like I’m playing a chocolate penis kazoo and pretty soon we’re both laughing hysterically. Pretty soon I get down to business and discover with delight that the space between the horns has become just the tiniest bit melty from his body heat, and now each lick coats my tongue with amazingly good chocolate as well as a little bit of his precum. I didn’t anticipate anything but a little chocolate in bed and a good laugh, but things are changing rapidly as I discover how incredibly fucking sexy melting Belgian chocolate is on top of a hard cock in the mouth.

Chunks predictably break off, and I retrieve them from his thighs and stomach and feed them to him as I take my time cleaning up what’s melted onto him with my tongue. For what started as something ridiculous, this has turned pretty damn hot, and in a hurry too. Things came to a *ahem* head, and I’m happy to say that there was no trace of chocolate or (insert cream pun here) after I was finished.

I have a top hat here that I’m anxious to try out soon, as the shape seems like it would be even more conducive to melting along the top and sides with a little coaxing from my tongue. Overall, I can honestly say I’m impressed! I had mentally relegated this to the thousands of edible “bedroom gags” on the market, but it’s in a league of it’s own and well worth trying out.

The hats are available right now in a viking style and a cowboy hat style for $9.95 each, or in a mix-and-match 5 pack for $39.95.

-TTC