Let it be noted for the record I have a terrible marketing crush on jimmyjane -- one need only glance at their site and their offerings a moment to understand why. Beautiful pictures, copy you can pluck and savor like little literary bon bons -- these people have their proverbial shit together and I admire that. I was, however, probably the only person on earth that didn’t “get” the little chroma and had no real desire for it when it debuted and people were in an Eleven-like craze over it, which is why I gravitated towards their later-emerging outre -- candles and massage.

When I jotted off a note to Jimmyjane asking if they offered products to review, I was surprised and delighted to receive an email back -- yes, they did -- and they wanted me to field test the dynamic duo of an Afterglow candle and the Contour Q massage stones. I count myself doubly lucky here, because the Milk Chocolate was their newest scent and allowed me to experiment with a fragrance I hadn’t before, and there are -- as I found out -- TWO little stones in the Contour Q set…and isn’t that just grand?

Afterglow Candle -- Milk Chocolate Fragrance

(Available at Jimmyjane.com for $28)

On eagerly opening the Afterglow box (narrowly restraining myself from ripping it open, for purposes of filming later) I peeled back the lid and sniffed tenatively. Now, all the chocolate products I’d experienced prior smelled like stuffing a particularly chemical-laden spoonful of hershey’s syrup up a nostril, with a not-so-subtle after effect of something decidedly unchocolate, almost acidic. Not so with this one -- Jimmyjane’s Milk Chocolate immediately brought to mind the tin of Ghiardelli “Drinking Cocoa” I keep stashed in the back of the cupboard for a couple of perilous days every month. It’s the smell of  a deep, rich bittersweet cocoa that is more at home in tea salons than coffeehouses. The ingredients also featured a few different incarnations of vanilla extract that I’m familiar with, so that may have had a hand in the complexity. It is not, as is important with every scented product that I permanently add to the collection, cloying, syrupy, or “fake” -- I used this with my notoriously scent-averse partner for an hour with not a hint of a sniffle.

We lighted the candle with the enclosed box of matches and waited for about fifteen minutes, tugging off our shirts and snuggling into bed. When a little bit of a pool had formed (I should mention here that Jimmyjane says to wait a half hour, but I’m an impatient wretch) I took up the cute little body brush and gingerly dipped it in the edge of the pool -- managing to set a strand sizzling before I belatedly realized the instructions said to blow out the candle first. (So, if you get one, listen to the book…apparently it knows what it’s talking about.) As I painted it on my partner, he relaxed and agreed it was rather awesome. A little goes a very long way…I only dipped the very, very edge of the brush in and it was enough for his entire back.

The massage “oil” of the melted soy wax stayed liquid on his skin, acting just like massage oil out of a bottle. I was able to glide it around over a large area and my hands didn’t “skip” or stop sliding because the soy oil dried up -- in fact, it stayed slick the entire massage of 20+ minutes. It smelled exactly like it had as a solid candle, and was the perfect level of “presence” on our skin, giving the whole room a very light scent of chocolate that lulled me to sleep an hour or so later. On the receiving end, the brush felt like fingertips -- so much so that I asked him to use the brush and turned around to find out that he already was! One caveat -- the brush is hard to clean…the book says to use shampoo (which I did) but it was still stiff and chocolatey scented when I came back for it later.

Contour Q Massage Stones

(Available at Jimmyjane.com for $25)

I had the forethought to start up my Keurig before getting down to business, drawing off a teacup worth of very hot water to mix with room temperature water I had in a bowl. I wrapped the contour Q stones in a washcloth and gradually submerged them, giving them a little buffer between their surface and the semi-hot water. (Like glass, porcelain/ceramic toys shouldn’t be exposed to rapid temperature changes for safety reasons) After I had “basted” my guy with the chocolatey goodness of Afterglow wax, I unfolded the washcloth and plucked out the ribbed massage stone, cupping it in the hollow of my hand. When I first attempted to use it, I tried to put pressure on the stone and roll it, like a ball of clay being rolled into a snake. When oil is present though, it seems like the surface of the skin is a little too slippery to use this technique, at least in my experience. However, cupping the hand above either stone and moving the whole hand seems to work wonders.  This provides a “hollow” that guides the stone right where you want it to go, and allows it to roll in the direction you’re pushing. You don’t need to push down very hard with these, as the texture seems to do most of the work for you -- it let me give my partner a deeper massage without feeling worn out.

When I sat cross-legged along his side (he was on his stomach), I rolled one stone in each hand from side to side on his back. Eventually, I figured out if I pushed out farther than the width of his back and let the stones roll back under my palms, I could actually massage my “computer wrists” and his back at the same time! Needless to say, this scored pretty high in my book for awesome. The rounded nubs on either side were great for getting out the kinks in his shoulders, as the round mid-body was comfy to grip to do so. The stones hold heat very well, and the heat combined with the textures added a whole new dimension to something we do very frequently. I know they might not look very substantial, but I promise you’ll be surprised. They can also be combined with other massage stones in Jimmyjane’s line (like so -- pictured inside a Contour M massage stone) for extra fun.

I present: CockBib, via CockBib.com , The Lickie Dickie, via LickieDickie.com, and Labia Dye, via MyNewPinkButton.com

…enjoy?

-TTC

Nope.

Realizing that in a financial downturn sex toys are something of a luxury, “upgrades” and accessories are slowly starting to eke their way into the market. When I first started in the industry, vibrators with accessories were offered in packs. One central vibrator, and a series of what were often extremely similar, poorly designed, or overly ambitious textured sleeves or caps were packed in a neat little bundle for the variety-hungry consumer. Technically, yes, these were accessories – but more often than not they were not made to the same standards of the vibe itself and frequently broke, wouldn’t fit on smoothly, or simply got lost. Companies brainstormed for new ways to convince users to buy toys, partnering with lube companies for in-box samples, trying designs that anticipated compartmentalized upgrades, and other techniques that have been fascinating to watch. I’ve detailed the few I’ve noticed below – know of any other interesting ones? Feel free to leave a comment!

Cap It

And so it was with delight that I discovered the wildly popular silicone hitachi attachments  – the Gee Whiz , Gee Whizzard , and Off With Your Head from Vixen Creations, the Mystic from Tantus, The Gee Spot and Pleasure Dome from Downunder out of Australia, and the (now sadly discontinued) Tripod and Gpod from Nexus in the UK.  A rubber double prong version appeared from Sinclair Institute as well, dubbed the G Plus. After I found these, I was also made aware of  a blue latex pair of caps and a series of jelly ones that had been around quite awhile as well. It’s very possible the ubiquitous popularity of the Hitachi was the main reason these accessories followed this path first – it was a larger, more expensive vibrator, and one that would last through the burnouts, mechanical failures, and battery-killing habits of its unplugged brethren. It made sense for a Hitachi owner to “invest” in upgrades. A similar trek was taken by Topco Sales, makers of Adam & Eve’s popular Magic Massager – a toy similar to the Hitachi, ripe for the accessories craze.  Designed with a slightly smaller head than the Hitachi, the Magic Massager couldn’t really swap accessories with Hitachi, ensuring that Magic Massager lovers would only reach for compatible – and Topco manufactured – sleeves.

Clean It

The next upgrades I noticed were when toy cleaners moved out of a shampoo-like bottle, intended to be applied while you were washing your toys at the sink, into an air-drying or quick-wipe formula in a spritz-on bottle. These moved quickly through the ranks, with the big manufacturers elbowing and vying for placement of their own particular blend of soap water in a bottle on store shelves. Swiss Navy debuted their (now apparently discontinued) germ-killing wipes, which vaguely claimed to kill the HIV virus on contact but strongly advised not to use as a protection against said virus. (A personal favorite of mine are Afterglow Toy Tissues, which contain essence of bergamot, have a lovely soft texture, and are available in both multipacks and singles. )

Store It

The problem of storing toys also began to open a corner of the market that hadn’t been touched upon before – people were tired of shoeboxes and boxes that roommates, children, and other invasions of privacy were not deterred by. For Your Nymphomation swooped in to the rescue, offering stylish – and most importantly, locking – options for stashing vibes. The demand grew so sharply, the small array FYN began with quickly grew into the (now legendary amongst industry toy addicts) rolling toy trunk, a behemoth that could fit almost any toy collection in its custom-designed pages and moveable pockets.  Other storage options from companies like Liberator, Tunti, and Devine Toys began expanding the niche even more.  Toy manufacturers started to sit up and take notice, incorporating packaging that doubled as storage, like the lined tin cases of the Evolved Novelties line.

Cover It

When the phthalate uproar hit the industry publications, savvy sex toy shop sellers began explaining that regular condoms could be used to help reduce exposure to phthalates, enabling people to continue enjoying their favorite jelly toys. California Exotics took notice, tossing their upgrade hat into the ring with Toy Covers – a non lubricated, unshaped condom specifically made for toys and available in two sizes. At the time of this post, I know of no similar products on the market.

Pocket It

Pockets for vibes began to find themselves a lot of new places – from pillows, to accessories to turn your lover’s abs into a frottage fantasyland, to sewn in tubes on the wearer’s side that at this point are all but standard in harnesses. Mini bullets can slip into almost anything these days, and manufacturers are planning for their presence with such frequency, that it will probably only be a matter of time before they pair up with nearly everything. Don’t believe me? Consider this – the iconic Fleshlight just rolled out a new line of their namesakes – they not only come with one bullet vibe, but three, and spare batteries besides. Speaking of fleshlights, now there is furniture that holds your fleshlight, which in turn holds your bullet vibe, with an optional “saddle” accessory that holds your lube close at hand. It’s like a sexier version of a turducken, though I guess one could still claim it was stuffed with meat.

Improve It

Joining facebook in a professional capacity has revealed a treasure trove of unusual sex toy offerings, not the least of which is the Vibokit – an innovative idea that apparently allows a user to turn a regular vibrator into a suction-cupped, clitoral-vibrating, G-spot rubbing supertoy. Though I am dubious about the effectiveness of the G-spot “ring” given its position on the shaft and my rudimentary knowledge of location (oh, wait – I forgot, it doesn’t exist), I am somewhat impressed with the idea of turning my favorite sidekick into an erotic transformer. Though the same aforementioned savvy sex toy shop sellers had also been touting the benefits of making a ghetto rabbit out of a straight vibe and a vibrating cock ring, this looks considerably more likely to stay in place, and thus be more fun to use.

Long story short, the Toychick was forced to endure such patently unsexy things as having gas injected into her eye to save her vision, which didn’t work, which then prompted a visit to the Wills Eye Center in Philly…a lovely city to visit if you aren’t hospitalized, I assure you. She was then forced to endure yet even more unsexiness as her eye was apparently partially vaccumed from the socket and outfitted with a jaunty silicone band behind it, which will hold her now-cryogenically zapped-up retinal scars in place for the rest of her life. Thankfully, I was, as today’s kids say, “knocked the fuck out” for the procedure.

To summarize:

• I am now PART SILICONE. This gives me +10 knowledge of dildos.
• I spent the first day of 2010 getting partially cryogenically frozen. Suck it, Han Solo.
• I have to keep my head tilted to the left for a week cause there’s a lava-lamp lookin air bubble keeping things kosher in there on that side. This has the added effect of making me look permanently interested in everything people around me are saying.
• I have to wear a big old eyepatch, and it’s all I can do not to break into a bad soviet accent or procure a stuffed parrot to complete the look.
• My right eye should be fine, I’ll know for 100% certain next Friday.

Epiphora has graciously taken over the reins for the Winter Hotness giveaway, so look to her blog for updates on that front with the winners and all. Entries are now closed, natch,  so if you weren’t in there already, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait for another fun contest in the future.

Chilldils are still being worked on, this eye thing just threw an ugly little wrench in my timeline, but updates will be posted soon, promise!

-TTC

So, when the pervy elves at the north pole (read: Spareparts HQ) sent me a surprise UPS notice that two more harnesses were winging their way to me, I knew I had to give my readers and extra-special holiday treat. I enlisted the help of perhaps the only woman who could go head-to-head with me on a smutty version of Jeopardy, my lovely sex toy sista, Epiphora. We both loved the Joque, so why not spread the love to our readers with a wintery giveaway?

This time, Spareparts was generous enough to give us a size A AND a size B so everyone could have a chance to rock the Joque. While the size A is generous, I myself wear a size B and wanted to give the bigger gals a chance to strap on in ridiculous comfort along with me

So how do you enter? Easy!

1. Just drop a comment here (make sure you tell me if you want Size A (20-50”)  OR Size B (35-65”))
2. Head on over here and answer Epiphora’s super-simple questions for an extra entry
3. Cross your fingers!

Once we get your comment here (and your answered questions on Epiphora’s Form for an extra entry) you’ll be entered to win the size you noted in your comment. Easy, no? Considering this is a $100+ Vegan-friendly luxury harness, we think it’s a rather exciting giveaway.

To win, you must live in the U.S. The deadline for entries is December 30th, 2009 at 11:59 p.m. PST. We will pick a winner randomly for each harness size.

-TTC