Desk Full of Dildos » Weird Sex Toys O' The Week (WSTOTW)

Weird Sex Toys Of The Week – Alien Love Doll Video Edition

ThatToyChick — Sat, 01 May 2010 11:38:58 +0000

So, I’ve started working with Pipedreams to bring you some of their weirdest and wildest offerings on video. Gracie here was a particular request of mine -- it seemed I kept seeing this alien love doll everywhere I turned. Sex Dolls seldom look like the box, and I really wanted to see what she looked like in person. While there are certain constrictions inherent in all dolls (conical boobs), The Area 51 Love Doll is actually pretty damn close to her box picture.I kept cracking up during the video, because…honestly, when you have a vagina-mouthed alien in your shower, it’s really hard not to.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hboyGJZVL64

If you are interested in making this …uniquely shaped beauty your own, you can find her over at UnderBedToys.

-TC

Weird Sex Toys of The Week : Bad Idea Edition, Part 2

ThatToyChick — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 12:32:08 +0000

Here we have an assortment of toys that made even my seasoned toychick brow raise a bit. (This is in response to the readers that have accused me of favoriting Topco by their lack of presence in my WSTOTW pieces.)

The BJ strap.

…really? Outside of D/s, who buys this? I mean, as a joke, maybe, but if some dude whipped out a belt when he’s lucky enough to be getting oral from me…let me tell ya, around the back of my head would be the LAST place that thing would end up.

Cyberglass Head Gear Chin Strap-On

Even for those of you that do NOT have a parent in the dental profession, I would imagine that you’d realize that propping a rigid protrusion with your jaw/teeth as a stabilizer and, presumably, using it rather vigorously, would be a bad idea. It might be hot in the short term, but….ow.

Lex Steele Penis Extensions

I’ve got no problem with Mr. Steele (though, in the realm of delightfully attractive male performers, I’m afraid Mr. Marcus wins in the Toychick arena), nor with penis extensions, but this seems like an embarrasment of riches. I mean, that’s a LOT of half-faux-penises to be lying around. Trying to smoothly work in an extension can be difficult, but trying five different sizes on like you’re in a Haberdashery mid-bedroom-antics has to be awkward.

Weird Sex Toys of the Week #14 – Seven Wonders Edition

ThatToyChick — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 13:46:21 +0000

Sometimes there are dildos that are just custom-made for pondering. Consider this quartet – two dildos based on well-known landmarks, and two dildos that are so large, they make the eyes of those uninitiated in large toys open wide, reflexively. All are beautiful, most are not well-suited to this toychick and her relatively small Georgia O’Keefe, but these are all silicone, non-porous, and boilable…so I feel comfortable recommending these as long as you safely know what you’re doing with large or uniquely shaped toys. I think this may be the first all-silicone version of WSTOTW, with four excellent silicone companies in attendance.

1.) The Sydney Starlet Dildo from DownunderToys – This pretty faux phallus was made especially with the scalloped roof of the Sydney Opera House in mind. A fitting tribute for this fun Aussie toymaker. It vibrates!

2.) The Island Explorer Butt Plug from Whipspider Rubberworks – Truly one of a kind, this incredibly unique butt plug is based on the iconic Easter Island heads, made in soft silicone.

3.) The Hottie Xtra from Happy Valley Silicone – This dildo might not look big in the picture, but in person it could go head-to-head with a soda can. It’s 2.25 in diameter (almost 7″ around!!) It vibrates, too.

4.) The Tex Butt Plug from Tantus – Easily one of the largest butt plugs (not dildos, mind you. I’ve seen bigger dildos.) I’ve ever seen in my life, the Tex is a whopping 3.25″ in diameter, and not for the faint of heart. Or butt.

-TC

Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week #13 : Etsy Edition

ThatToyChick — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 17:44:12 +0000

Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week #13 : Etsy Edition!

For those not in the know, Etsy.com is pretty much the eBay of handmade stuff. All sorts of interesting things are listed there, the weirdest of which are cataloged and mocked diligently by sites like Regretsy. While browsing one day, I came across a “mature” listing, and it suddenly dawned on me – maybe Etsy had SMUT! And oh, readers, it did not dissapoint. Along with the pleasant discovery of Whipspider Rubberworks on there, I found a whole host of decidedly pervy crafters hawking their wares.

And so, I present:

1.) The “Cock Glock” – a WAP sculpture that’s alternatively titled “I’m the NRA”. The Cock Glock is a centaurian combo of a raging hard on and a gun. This ebony wood carving that can be dubiously yours for the mere price of $600 – it doesn’t look like this is usable, but hey – free shipping!

2.) Handjob Penis Pincushion – Arguably my favorite entry this week, this $22 beauty looks like the missing link between Sesame Street and slash fiction and I LOVE IT. I mean, look at it! It’s adorable! She even makes one that’s filled with catnip, and another that can be embroidered with an Ex’s name (or a current, if you’re into needleplay and CBT!)

3.) Roast Beef Soap Dildo – The name pretty much says it all. $8.69. I really want to know where the hell he gets roast beef scented oil. Or maybe I don’t.

4.) Silk Sanitary Towel – I have NO idea. Honestly. It’s a one-time-use silk $39 maxipad that’s either filled with fake fur (?) or real fur (…), and comes with not only an assurance that it will “absorb four hours of HEAVY bleeding”, but also a helpful suggestion that you enclose it in some sort of glass cube afterwards as an art installation. My casual interest in visiting Amsterdam has diminished entirely.

Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week #13 – Wang Bibs & Labia Makeup Edition

ThatToyChick — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 16:14:29 +0000

It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these, but there are a few WTF-worthy inventions that alert readers have pointed me to. Apparently, there is a market for festooning one’s favorite (or personal) wang with all manner of attachments that either ensure the testicles don’t get dribbled on (the horror) or, much like truck nuts, announce one’s dubious taste in self-expression in a…unique…fashion. Need a scented cock-mounted napkin that “masks body odor” after or during oral sex? We’ve got that covered too. Are your labia faded from years of wear? No worries – we’ll get that georgia o’ keefe back to a matte finish caribbean salmon in no time, courtesy of an unidentified powder that has been on TV and a website told me is totally safe! (Update 1/21/10 – the very brave gal behind iasshole.com actually tried the labia dye, with dubious “results” )

I present: CockBib, via CockBib.com , The Lickie Dickie, via LickieDickie.com, and Labia Dye, via MyNewPinkButton.com

…enjoy?

-TTC

Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week #12: Interesting But Odd Idea Edition

ThatToyChick — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 05:25:40 +0000

A sort of mixed bag this time around, this Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week was intended to be an “in development” version, but I could only find two things in development worth writing about! That being said, here are three sex toys – two in development and one on the market – that might take stimulation places you’ve never seen it go before.

1.) The “Talk2Me” Vibrator – This is an incredibly interesting concept – a rabbit vibrator that purrs in tune with your favorite songs’ bass in the shaft and treble in the clitoral attachment – but is backed by a strange company that seems to have neither the will, funds, or momentum to get it to market. The site’s been literally the same for the last three years, and any attempt to contact the makers is met with disinterested staff that seem to dodge questions like a nervous politician. If you know more about it, do feel free to educate me because I’m terribly curious when it will be available. Calls and emails generally are not returned, in my experience.

2.) The Y Dildo – Originally pointed out on twitter by the fabulousness that is Megan Andelloux, this unusual silicone cousin of a dowsing rod purports to stimulate both the G-Spot and the Perineal Sponge when the toy is inserted..i.e. both prongs up the girlybits at once. Check the site here!

3.) The Touche Vibrating Ice Dildo – This is actually on the market and purchaseable. Think of it as those tupperware make-your-own popsicle molds from the 80’s paired up with a vibrating bullet.

(edit, 12/8/09 – I suddenly remembered an ice vibrator review that AAG had written…would you believe there are TWO ice vibrators? I also present the Icegasm for your WSTOTW approval)

Enjoy the oddness! More to come soon

-TTC

Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week #11 – The Floating World Edition

ThatToyChick — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 04:21:02 +0000

One of my first days trying to re-locate back home saw me rushing headlong back into toychickiness, in a familiar place playing trusty sidekick to Ms. Vera of For Your Nymphomation. Along with the singularly lovely Ms. Wendy Blackheart (who – and you heard it here first – is a shameless cheeto fetishist) – I served as a super sexy, and still very tired, booth bunny.

While there was a bit of oddity, it was more of the fun, quirky variety that makes you go “Huh. Nice.” and kinda grin to yourself. I am by no means a painslut…hell, if I could get pillows reclassified as a flogging device, I would…I can still appreciate a nicely rendered tool. (Stop giggling. I know you’re giggling.)

My friend M. from Wolf Princess Designs debued a really neat cheeseburger gag – a rubber life size cheeseburger squeaky-toy (minus the squeak) mounted sideways on a vegan strap for semi-ironic and animal-friendly kinky fun. I regret that I have no picture of this delightful and original design, but the cell phone enforcement was hardcore…and not in the fun way!

Canes4Pain had very cool “beach canes” - particularly painful looking rattan sticks covered in sharp broken seashells from Sanibel beach in the proprietor’s native Flordia. In a thoughtful finishing touch, the handle is wrapped in rough nautical rope that can also be employed as the sadistic wielder sees fit. Covered in a special material that ensures all the shell bits stay put, the canes are proudly proclaimed to “easily cut skin”. Yeowch!

Okay, so I’m totally late to the party on this one, but if you haven’t heard, Tantus made a cool sparkly dildo called the Vamp that totally has nothing to do with Twilight. Nope. No Sir.

..and this last one, while it wasn’t at The Floating World, rounds out what I always try and make at least a trio of strange items. I’ve seen this idea in santa, in soldiers, in firefighters, and in policemen – and now proudly (?) continuing the tradition of wind up masturbation novelty toys, our very own commander in chief…

In a funny side note for our fourth pic, I took some “artsy” shots of vintage arcade games on a trip to the shore awhile ago. There was an old brass “love meter”, the plaque of which is now my blog header. Basically, you would grip an egg-shaped handle with a trigger on the front of it as hard as you can to measure your “love strength”. While I’m sure this was a quaint and perfectly acceptable notion back in the 1920’s or so when the games first debuted…it only took one look at the handle to send the perverted mind of yours truly into fits of mental snickers.

-TTC

Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week #10 – Anatomical Anomaly Edition

ThatToyChick — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 20:48:14 +0000

A naked lady or nude gentleman can be an enticing and lovely sight to behold. Narrow the viewpoint on certain closeups, however, and what looked great in panorama begins to look like an H.P. Lovecraft brainchild when truncated.

1.) Brea’s Pocket Ass – it takes a moment to realize wtf is going on here, but apparently Brea has reached behind her, stuck an index finger in her backdoor, and is holding it open for the user. However, minus the cheeks and the rest of her hand for orientation, this ends up looking distractingly disturbing. Get your fill of fingerbutt for under $20! *

2.) This is supposed to emulate fucking both Lindsey and Lacey Love, the infamous twins of porn, at the same time. Rather than finding it stimulating, my brain wanders to considering exactly what sort of contortions the rest of their bodies have to twist through to get their naughty bits this close together. I’m not one to knock legal sex practices (only illegal ones if you count the backwards states that throw the book at sodomy), mind you, but what do you do with this, exactly? Switch back and forth? Share it with a gymnastically-inclined friend?

3.) Would you like that WTF in a portable size? Well, here ya go! This one is Carmen and Austyn, if they had been joined at the pelvis, and shrunk to doll-like proportions. Only $39.95 and you too can tote this sleeve o’ weird wherever you go. *

4.) Ah, the titty blowjob – favorite of many. The placement and orientation of the various parts in this toy, however, seems to lend itself to the imagery of poking a giant unwelcome wang into a party of friendly underage pygmies doing body shots off one another. The mouth doesn’t look like it belongs to those breasts, and everything’s so crazy small it borders on sex with barbies.

*If you’re really looking to buy these things, use code 25offone at checkout and you’ll get a discount.

Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week #9 – Va jay Jay Edition

ThatToyChick — Sun, 31 May 2009 03:03:39 +0000

While these products aren’t exactly sex TOYS, I figure they deserve a nod for being directly involved with the naughty bits.

The Va J-J Visor! I was immediately given to scrubs-like daydreams of zooming these aerodynamic little pods across a table in a futuristic drag race. Meant to shield the inner labia from razor slips or while tanning/waxing/laser-ing, I have to admit that while the idea is a bit unusual it’s probably quite useful. A six pack is less than ten bucks, here.

Betty Beauty quite literally covers a concept that hadn’t been successfully dealt with previously, at least with such a user-friendly marketing campaign. A way for gals that dislike waxing, threading, or laser-ing their nether locks away to style their bush proudly, these dyes enable her vee to sport a rainbow of colors, from demure natural hues up to a blazing hot pink. Made for private parts, they eliminate the need for worry caused when migrating regular hair dye tenatively “downstairs”. Color your pubes smurf blue for only $14.99!

The third entrant into this week’s WSOTW is even more funny to me than it would be to most people, because it reminds me of a long-running inside joke between the guy and I about an imaginary affair named Coochia. The Cuchini is…well..you put it on your girlbits when you’re going to wear tight clothing to prevent the dreaded cameltoe. They have a mascot the likes of which I’ve never seen. The Cuchini is an…..idea…and a relatively inexpensive one at four dollars. Bonus: you can anonymously send one someone who doesn’t seem to get your increasingly non-subtle hints.

************

Since I got a good response from my readers in my last WSTOTW for posting additional freaky links, figured I’d toss a few in here, too:

On principle alone, this book is one I want to own. Also, I might change the tagline of this blog to read “It’s difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.”

While this is hardly a new link to the intarwebz, I have to give a nod to these adora-freakin-ble plush uterus toys on etsy.

And, of course, there are these – because how often does one get to use the phrase “explodes into little vaginas on impact” outside of hentai?

….And because this post has been a bit lady-centric….here ya go, guys – a penis tee shirt!

Weird Sex Toys O’ The Week #8 – Inflatable Edition

ThatToyChick — Sun, 03 May 2009 18:25:26 +0000

Inflatable sex dolls have been around for a looooong time. Pool toys with orifices, these vinyl vixens carry on truncated careers as policewomen, nurses (how exactly does one “perform like a surgeon” in BED? Ooh baby, slice me up…?), and even airline stewardesses before givin sweet lovin to their amorous partners. This is a collection of some of the varieties I’ve come across that I feel are a bit…over the top.

Bree Olsen Rawhide Hottie

While I know the doll is probably actually attractive by blow-up doll standards, what gets me is the outfit – I just imagine a man somewhere in a bedroom sporting an impatient hardon while he’s dressing up an oversized barbie with a permanently surprised mouth. I’m not one to thieve non-manufacturer pictures, but you can take a gander at the fringe-y top and skirt here.

Agent 69 Love Doll

Okay, okay. All of a sudden a top and skirt don’t look so odd when faced with the virtual arsenal of non-sexual accessories this high-maintenance gal seems to tote around with her. A bikini top, bikini bottom, thigh holster, toy gun, sunglasses, vibrating bullet, removable genitalia, foot pump, and storage bag just seem a little…much. A toy gun? Really? Is this for men who like to relive their childhood during masturbation?

Goo Gobblin’ Granny

As (un)usual, I’ve saved the …best?…for last. With instructions that could either be cheeky or serious, the user is instructed to only inflate the doll halfway for “best results”. The removable teeth really make the sale, I’m sure, even if it might be a little awkward to pitch in a brick and mortar store.

On a final note, I leave you with a few WTF (with a huuuuge F) links to pictures of actual inflated blow up dolls, courtesy of Blow Me Up Sex Dolls:

She just walked in to find her lover with another woman, soap opera style: “OMG!“

For those out there with a dental-checkup-while-fucking fetish: “Have you been flossing?“

…And the award for -Creepy Resemblance to Valerie Bertenelli- goes to: “This Gal!“

As the wind blew his wig off, Miguel gasped, knowing he’d never win the pageant now. “O noes!“

An unfortunate stigmatism ruined Shelly’s dreams of becoming a makeup artist. “Is this too pink?”

Cut off in traffic on her way to the bondage convention, Angela gestured angrily. “Hey Asshole!“

While bigfoot had managed to elude them, the hunting party snagged his mate. “Ook?“

Sometimes, the work dries up and muppets pursue employment elsewhere. “No, I work ON Sesame Street.”

Courtney Love took some ill-advised merchandising deals in the 90’s. “I got your HOLE right here…“

Mick Jagger slept with a lot of groupies, but he’d never forget the paternity suit from “No Neck“.